The questions:
Q:
Andrew Caple (that Canadian kidder)
got the first question, and it's a good one. He asks, "What
makes you think you're so smart?"
A:
Andrew, don't you know that anyone who creates a website
on the Internet is automatically an expert. They get
quoted on bulletin boards... interviewed on news shows...
referenced in term papers... and are the preferred source
of information for Doctoral Thesis papers. I'm smart
because I figured that out.
Q:
From NeoValentine (man, I thought I
wrote long questions!): "Under
hard acceleration my 3rd gear tends to stutter in the high
end around 5500-6500 RPMS. Making it hard to get the full
power of 3rd gear I need to win races. Any thoughts?"
A:
I thought this job was gonna be hard! The answer is
simple. Only race in races that end before you get to 5500
RPMs in 3rd gear. Or race against Civics.
Q:
From Diablo: "Why do zippers
have "YKK" on them?"
A:
Again, really easy. YKK is the company that makes most
zippers. It's an advertising logo. Here is their website.
What concerns me most, however, is that you are so
concerned with zippers. With world hunger, wars, and me
being really poor, I think you should focus your attention
on more important things.
Q:
Another from Diablo: "How do
I change the timing belt without the special Mitsu tool?"
A:
This guy is just full of questions... but OK, I'll give it
a whirl. (1) Jack up your car. (2) Crawl under it. (3) Cut
the old timing belt out with your pocket knife. (4) Don't
touch the timing gears, but slide the new belt on as good
as you can. (5) Use a rubber mallot if you have to. (6)
Get out from under the car and start it. (7) At this point
you should hear some interesting metallic grinding/pinging
noises. Let this go for about 10 minutes. Rev the engine
if needed. (8) Call a tow truck. (9) Walk into house and
get your checkbook and a pen. (10) prepare to write a
check for around $3000-5000. (11) Send the engine to
National Engine Rebuilders. (12) Send me your name and
tell NER that I sent you. (Note to self: get a 15%
referral fee from NER to help pay for this website)
Q:
Mista Grimm asks: "Why doesn't
the psi in your tires go up once you let the car's weight
down?"
A:
Wow, now a science question. I feel like Bill Nye. For this
one, I do have a serious answer. You see, properly
designed tires maintain the same exact volume inside,
despite the fact that they deform under the weight of the
car. You'll notice that the
tires change shape under the weight of the car, flattening
a bit on the bottom but widening a bit on the sides. Since
the VOLUME is the same, and the amount of AIR stays the
same, the PRESSURE also stays the same. By the way, using
this formula:
P
= F/A = Wcosq /A, or W = PA/ cosq
where
P = pressure, F = force, and W = weight
you
can determine the WEIGHT of a car based on the surface area
of the tire contact area and the tire pressure! Thanks for
the question... and for a chance for me to expound on my
scientific knowledge!
Q:
Mista Grimm has another question: "Why
are some cars' xenon lights more blue than others?"
A:
Simple.
Real xenon lights, which appear more blue, use real
Xenophite directly from the planet Xenon. Inferior products
use a synthetic form of Xenophite (actually called
Pseudoxenophite) manufactured with a mixture of bovine
gaseous expulsions processed inside a vat of haggis. You can
save money buying an inferior product, but heaven forbid the
bulb break, because approximately 50,000 cubic inches of the
mixture is crammed into the bulb. A broken bulb contains
enough stanky gas to contaminate an area roughly the size of
the Superdome for a little over a week.
Q:
Mista Grimm breaks the record of numbers
of questions asked with this one: "What causes an
itch?"
A:
Q:
Mista Grimm really starts hogging my
time with a 4th question:
"How are tapeworms removed?"
A:
